What Do Parents of Students With ADHD or Learning Disorders Need to Know Before Their Kids Go to College?

The transition from high school to college is among the most challenging transitions for many students, but it’s even harder for those with ADHD and learning disorders. And it can be particularly hard for their parents — who may have spent years helping them, shuttling them to appointments, reminding them to take their meds, and advocating on their behalf — to let them go. But you’ve got this!

• Keep in mind that your young adult going off to college is still, essentially, a high school student who needs time and space to figure out how to be independent.
• Many students do not perform as well as they — or you — have been used to at first.
• You need to let them figure it out on their own, even if that means making mistakes.
• Parents, teachers, or tutors may have provided significant scaffolding to these students in high school.
• In many ways, adults may have acted as the student’s prefrontal cortex. Now they have to do it themselves.

The student will now independently need to:

• Go to bed at a reasonable hour.
• Wake up on time.
• Make it to class.
• Keep track of their assignments.
• Plan a study schedule.
• Make use of unstructured time.
• Take their medication (if applicable).
• Make — at least somewhat — nutritious eating choices.

Before they leave for college, start having them practice doing these things on their own if they aren’t already.

Help prepare for this transition early

Teach them life skills and tricks you know for:

• Laundry
• Cleaning
• Budgeting and taxes
• Planning and organization
• How to change a tire or complete minor household repairs

• Help them to understand and accept what they need in order to be able to learn effectively.
• If they had a 504 plan or IEP in high school, go over it with them so they can reflect on the supports they had in place.
• They may be reticent to request accommodations from the office of disabilities at college. You can talk about what supports are necessary, and what they can try on their own.
• In the end, they’ll need to make their own decisions regarding accommodations and how much they tell their professors about their struggles.
• Give them a heads up about the ways in which college will be different.
• Many smart students with ADHD or a learning disorder might not have needed to study much in high school, or could get by with waiting until the last minute to study.
• Sustained effort is practically a requirement for success in college.
• Your student may find that their regular “approach” is ineffective.
• Their first-ever academic problems may be interpreted as a personal failure, which can lead to frustration, anxiety, and depression.
• They may hide their “mistakes” from you, for fear of facing the truth or disappointing you.
• Emphasize that they can and should be honest with you, and that you understand that they may take some time to find their groove.

Be an anchor for your young adult

• As much as you need to give your child space, it’s also important to be there for them.
• Many students are experimenting with independence and life changes, but want home to feel familiar.
• Don’t make any big changes at home without first discussing with them.
• Keep them informed of big life events — you may be tempted to hide something like a family illness until they come home, but this can erode trust and increase anxiety.
• Ask them about their life, not their grades.
• Ask questions about what their professor is like, or what they’re doing in their free time.
• If you focus on their academic performance, they may start dodging calls or keeping the truth from you.
• Try your hardest to wait until they ask for advice before offering it.

• Your children might absorb or mirror how you feel about any challenges they face.
• Your child needs you to be positive about their ability to succeed in college, despite their ADHD or learning disorder, and realistic about what they need to do get there. If you’re feeling pessimistic, or feeling guilty about “passing on” those challenges to them, work though those emotions.
• Talk to other parents you trust, talk to a psychologist, or talk to others in a parent group.
• Focus on your child’s strengths and provide positive reinforcement and encouragement for their efforts.
• Be a role model by being transparent with them — honesty goes both ways.